Hate Mail: “You are simply not a woman because you’re ugly”

The words "Hi Haters" spelled out with Scrabble pieces.
This entry is part 1 of 2 in the series Responding to Haters

So, as I am on Quora, I got a response to one of my comments that was rather long. It came from a rather terrible human being named Josette Harrison. Basically, the message was about attacking me as a woman because I don’t match her cissexist view of beauty.

However, Quora has a habit of removing my responses to these people. Not to mention, the hand off between mobile and desktop wasn’t that great. So, I am trying something new. Today, I am writing a response to this terrible human being on my blog. So, let’s get into it!

Trigger Warning

Before we begin, I would like to point out that the following response contains a lot of transphobia. Not to mention, a lot of misogyny and an attempt to weaponize mental health.

A screencap of the original comment

My Rebuttal

Let the gaslighting commence!

I think you are in denial about who you are.

Says a person who is actually in denial about who I am. But okay, go off, sis.

Your body is okay the way it is.

If it were okay the way it is, I wouldn’t need $100K+ worth of surgery to repair my body. Tragically, transition is expensive and little of it is covered by insurance. Thankfully, I live in a country that offers medical care to its residents, but they only cover a little bit. I am definitely going to have to go abroad for several procedures to repair the damage that being exposed to testosterone has caused to my body.

Plus, you don’t even believe that my “body is okay the way it is”. Later on in this comment, you go on to attack everything you think is wrong with my body and use it to falsely accuse me of being “male”. And yet, you wonder why transgender people need these medical procedures?

You don’t need to try to be something that you aren’t.

Hence why I’m no longer doing that. That’s why I’m living authentically as my true, female self.

You are simply not a woman.

And you’re simply wrong. I am a woman.

And that is OKAY.

If you really believed that, you wouldn’t be falsely accusing me of not being a woman just because I’m trans.

No one here is arguing for hate.

Except you and your fellow transphobic delusionites. You’re falsely accusing me of not being a woman just because I’m transgender. That is hateful.

False accusations of mental illness

But we need to have a real discussion about the mental illness that afflicts transgender people.

You mean the fact that not all trans people are mentally ill. It may come as a surprise to you due to your lack of research, but being trans isn’t a mental illness. I am not mentally ill by virtue of being trans. In fact, the American Psychological Association affirms that being transgender is not, in and of itself, a mental illness.

You are more than free to do whatever you want to your body, but you cannot force your delusions upon the rest of normal society. You will always be a man.

Says the person trying to force the delusion that I “will always be a man” onto me. I never was a man. I tried to pretend to be a man but surprise surprise, that didn’t work out too well. Because I’m not a man and pretending to be something I’m not is exhausting. I would never recommend it to anyone. I much prefer living authentically.

Ending a Lie, Living a Life

When you try to say you are a woman, you aren’t just lying to the world but you are lying to yourself.

No, telling the truth about my womanhood means that I’m no longer lying to anyone. When I stopped pretending to be a man, I stopped presenting that false image to the world. In essence, when I started transition, I stopped lying.

Being a woman isn’t something you can just “choose” to be. It doesn’t work like that.

You’re right that being a woman isn’t something that I “can just ‘choose’ to be”. I didn’t choose to be a woman. I already am one. This is why I was compelled to transition. I couldn’t live the lie that I was a man any longer. We don’t choose our gender identities, we are born with them.

What makes us women is being physically and biologically different from men.

So, you’re admitting that trans women are “physically and biologically different from men”? Good to know. 🙂

Medical care doesn’t make trans women women

No amount of hormones or makeup or surgery or anything will ever truly make you be a woman.

You’re right about that. Which is why I never argued that hormones, makeup, or surgery make someone a woman. I was a woman before I had any surgeries or hormones. In fact, that was the catalyst for why I needed the surgeries and hormones.

What surgeries do is make it easier to live life authentically. For example, in order to correct my passport and California birth certificate at the time, I needed to have SRS. So, I went to Thailand in 2009 and had SRS.

This is something that I know you know. Deep down you know.

Yes, deep down, I know that trans women are women regardless of what surgeries they have had or have not had.

Wether [sic] it be facial hair,

Which is treatable via electrolysis and/or laser hair removal… or completely avoidable with puberty blockers.

an Adam’s apple,

Which can be reduced via a tracheal shave.

smaller hips than a woman would have,

If a trans woman have them, then by definition, they aren’t “smaller hips than a woman would have”. After all, a woman does have those hips.

a more defined brow and jaw line,

Hence the need for facial feminization surgery. Thankfully, there are revolutionary techniques that can dramatically reduce the size of the brow ridge and jaw line.

your height,

Tall women exist and are just as valid. Thankfully, I’m on the shorter end of the spectrum when it comes to trans women. I am 1.72m or 5’8″ tall.

the size of your body,

Fat women are just as valid as skinny women.

your genitals,

We don’t talk about my genitalia until after the first date. That’s just rude.

or anything else.

You mean any other thing you can attack about a trans woman’s physique to falsely accuse her of being less deserving of basic human decency and respect than a cis woman? This is what I was talking about when I mentioned why these surgeries make it easier to move about through life. There will be people like you falsely accusing trans women of not being women because we don’t “measure up” to your cissexist notions of what it means to be a woman.

Our biological sex influences how we relate to the rest of the world because people treat us differently based off of our sex and the physical body.

Which is why I assume you want to falsely accuse transgender women of not being who we are and use all this pseudoscience to claim that we’re not really women.

So even if you go around trying to convince yourself that you are a woman, you’ll still carry around certain male privileges that not I nor any woman will ever have.

I hardly think that being falsely accused of being “male” and “mentally ill” when you’re not is a privilege.

Concluding with concern trolling

I really hope that someday you will be able to come to terms with who you are.

I already have. For my part, I really hope that someday, you accept the fact that a woman is no less deserving of respect and human decency based on how she looks.

And I think it would be a disservice to you to go along with your body dysmorphic delusions.

You mean my lack of “body dysmorphic delusions”? You do realize that gender dysphoria is different from body dysmorphia, right?

My Response, in Summary.

Regardless of what some bigot says, trans women are still going to be women at the end of the day. Don’t let some bigot who doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about get you down. If you’re a trans person, you are wonderful and valid the way you are.

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